ANXIETY:
Anxiety About Pregnancy Is Tied to Preterm Birth.
Recent research underscores the need for anxiety screenings in pregnant women.
Reviewed by Davia Sills

KEY POINTS:
Pregnant women who are struggling with anxiety are more likely to experience preterm birth.
Unfortunately, the pressure not to have anxiety can paradoxically make many women feel more anxious.
More education and support are needed to help women manage anxiety during pregnancy in healthy ways and without negative self-judgment.

Recent research by the American Psychological Association suggests that women who have anxiety about their pregnancies are more likely to give birth earlier compared to women who do not have such anxiety. In a study of nearly 200 women who were assessed on four different measures of anxiety, those who suffered from anxiety specifically about their pregnancies were the most likely to give birth early.

The propensity for peripartum or postpartum depression is a risk factor that is assessed by practitioners regularly these days. However, anxiety tends to get less attention—so this is an important wake-up call for obstetricians, midwives, and general practitioners providing care for pregnant women.

But one potential concern about these findings is that women may put even more pressure on themselves to not feel anxious—which can paradoxically increase their stress. If a woman who already fears preterm labor, for instance, is worried that every time she has a stressful afternoon, she is putting her baby at higher risk of being born even earlier, we could be looking at a situation where placing too much attention on the risk increases the risk itself. This potential becomes increasingly concerning when we see that it was the specific type of pregnancy-related anxiety in the third trimester—as opposed to more generalized anxiety—that had the strongest association with preterm birth.

Frankly, the last thing we need is another generation of women being told, "Just calm down, or you'll harm your baby!"

Nonetheless, these findings point to something very important—that sustained stress and anxiety do potentially exacerbate health risks for both mother and child. And many pregnant women are desperate for more support. Just as the prevalence of anxiety disorders in the general population has ballooned as of late, overtaking depression by many measures, we should view the prevalence of anxiety in pregnant women with increased attention as well.

Our culture gives pregnant women plenty to be anxious about, from the physical effects of pregnancy to its consequences on their lives and careers. And giving them anxiety about their anxiety is not helping matters.

Empathetic, informed medical practitioners who remove the shame from talking about the experience of anxiety and who assure pregnant women that there is effective psychological treatment and support and help them get it can no longer be considered a luxury. These practices should be part of standard medical care—as they can have medical consequences.

Joy and Happiness:
Cultivate Joy Through Meditative Moments.
A brief meditation practice that transforms suffering into joy.
Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

KEY POINTS:
Experiencing moments of sadness, anger, and worry is a natural aspect of life.
Research shows that shifting our attention to the well-being of others contributes to our well-being and joy.
The well-being benefits of meditation can be achieved through a brief practice of visualization, extending compassion, breathing, and reflection.
We’ve all experienced a middle-of-the-night moment when we’re lying awake, ruminating about a troubling life event, a hurtful conversation we had earlier in the day, or a worrisome challenge that might emerge.

No matter how we try to turn off the endless reel of chattering thoughts, we can’t seem to put our minds at ease and fall back asleep. This is especially likely when we’ve felt wronged by others or are concerned about a friend or loved one going through a tough time.

Such was the case for me as I lay awake at 30 a.m., unable to stop thinking about a family member dealing with a challenging coworker.

I’ve recently discovered a new way to redeem those wee hours of the morning with a simple meditation practice that brings me a greater sense of peace and which research shows can cultivate a greater sense of joy in life.

The practice offers practitioners a way to respond positively to the suffering we observe around us and can help alleviate our own suffering. Regular practice may cultivate more compassion for ourselves and others–even for people we dislike. (2019)

A Middle-of-the-Night Meditation
The middle-of-the-night meditation is an adaptation of the meditation practice described in The Book of Joy (2016).

Try to practice it several times during the daytime when you are concerned about a family member, coworker, or friend. Regular practice will better prepare you to try it when you are lying awake pondering a concern about a loved one.

Step 1. Recognize that you are ruminating about something that you cannot change in this moment. The meditation begins by acknowledging that you are keeping yourself awake by focusing on a situation that is outside your control in that moment. Take some deep centering breaths. To focus your attention, try counting to four as you breathe in and eight as you breathe out.

Step 2. Choose to shift the focus of your attention from your head to your heart. Focus on the feelings that surface as you think about another person’s troubling situation. Try to consider what their feelings or emotions might be. Visualize your compassionate heart extending outward to create a bright light in front of your heart center.

Step 3. Visualize drawing the suffering out of the other person. As you inhale deeply, imagine drawing the painful feelings, emotions, or pain out of the other person and into the orb of light in front of you, radiating out from your compassionate heart. Imagine the suffering dissolving into the light.

Step 4. Extend compassion and kindness to the source of your concern. As you exhale, imagine sending the other person positivity and joyful feelings. You may imagine your outward breath offers them confidence, strength, courage, or love. It may help to think of a mantra statement such as, “May my family member be at peace about this situation.” Or, “May my family member feel the love I am extending towards him or her.”

Step 5. Extend compassion and kindness towards the person who is the source of conflict in this situation. If this is difficult, consider that all of the details about this person are unknown to you. They may not know they are causing your loved one grief or feel their words or actions are justified.

Recognize that hurtful words and actions typically come from a place of pain or suffering that person has experienced in their own life, and they have developed hurtful ways of dealing with others. It also helps to consider the times when we might have said something hurtful to others because of our experiences of suffering. We might think, “May this person’s suffering be relieved.” Or, “May this person experience healing.”

Step 6. Breathe in silence and notice what thoughts or feelings surface. Aim to be nonjudgmental as you notice your thoughts. Simply acknowledge them and let go of judgment. You might think, “I am having a hard time letting go of anger about this situation.” Or, “I am having a hard time feeling compassion towards the person who has hurt my loved one.”

Repeat steps three through six as necessary.

Conclusion
Experiencing concern, anxiety, or worry about others is inevitable. When we find ourselves ruminating or getting stuck in a negative mental loop as we process our feelings about a situation, there is power in shifting our attention away from our negative feelings toward thoughts of compassion and kindness towards others. Research supports the positive influence such a shift can have on our well-being and lessens our experience of suffering in the moment.

Give More Compliments: It Won’t Be as Awkward as You Think.
Here's what holds us back from giving compliments and why to give more of them.
Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

KEY POINTS:
Compliment givers fail to realize how good a compliment recipient will feel and, as a result, don't give them
Compliment givers overestimate how uncomfortable a receiver will feel when they hear them.
Find moments of surprise to deliver a compliment to pack the biggest positive hedonic punch.
Towards the end of this past summer, my husband and our two young children went on vacation with my best friend, her husband, and their two young children. It should have been perfect.

We rented a large apartment in a new hotel on the beach. Skies were blue. Water was warm. Waves sized for fun. The arcade cheap, and the ice cream plentiful. Sand perfect for digging big holes, which is, of course, what all children want to do all day long.

But all that digging is tiring, really tiring. So, when it was time for dinner, our last night together, the reality of our charming outdoor table at that beautiful little restaurant nestled in a garden on an inlet wasn’t quite so idyllic. The children were exhausted. Their food took too long to arrive.

Our mom-bags were packed with all the distractions we toted along on vacation–markers, Mad Libs books, Hot Wheels cars–but no product did any good at combatting the fatigue and the hanger. We took turns whisking whining children away from the table that still had no food on it to look at the dock or throw rocks in the water, attempts at distraction that passed all of maybe eight seconds at a clip. The ratio of grown-ups to crying children was dangerously low.

On the way out, as I schlepped my mom-bag, slumped over from being beaten down by the drama of that meal, an older man sitting near the receptionist caught my eye. He had an air of distinction about him. He was a dapper man with well-coifed hair, about 40 years my senior, and not a drop of splattered ketchup or baby food to be seen on him, unlike my outfit by that point.

He said, “Say, I was sitting at the table next to you…” I prepared for an understandable comment on our distraction to his well-behaved party. “…and at one point, I saw you put on your sunglasses and thought to myself, 'that’s one cool chic.’” (My sunglasses are rather cool, I have to admit.) “But then I saw you pick up a baby,” he went on, “and I thought, ‘that’s one cool mom.’ You did a great job tonight.”

I was gobsmacked. Rendered speechless. I simply clutched my chest, motioned thank you with my hand, and held back the tears that instantly welled in my eyes. He understood my reaction and said no more.

A few steps later, I was back outside with all the children and all the grownups, with my cheeks now wet.

“What happened?” my husband asked.

“What’s going on?” my best friend chirped.

The other grown-up was wrangling children in dark clothes running loops around the dark parking lot, but I’m sure would have been similarly concerned about my mental state if he had a chance to worry about me, the remaining adult, rather than all the children.

My 5-year-old son came bounding over, “you can tell me, mom, just whisper it in my ear. I won’t tell anyone until I tell everyone.”

But I couldn’t get the words out to explain they were happy tears. At that moment, this stranger offered a beautifully simple compliment I desperately needed.

And that’s the thing about compliments, research finds. They pack a much bigger hedonic punch than we realize or than a receiver might expect to experience. Especially for me that night.

Social psychologists Erica Boothby and Vanessa Bohns recently published an extensive investigation into the impact of compliments, asking why people don’t give more of them. Why aren’t there more moments like I had with that older gentleman on my way out of that restaurant?

These researchers discovered that potential compliment givers fail to realize how good a compliment recipient will feel when they are offered a pat on the back, so to speak. And this underestimation of the potency of their words is part of the reason givers fall short of actually offering the compliments they could dish out. If we don’t think the other person will feel all that good, we stop ourselves short of praising others.

Compliments can come in many forms
Couple this with another error potential compliment givers make. They simultaneously overestimate how bothered and uncomfortable the compliment recipient would feel.

They think, unjustly so, that the recipient will feel annoyed, bothered, and uncomfortable. They grow anxious that their words will land wrong. They are concerned that they lack the skill to deliver a compliment successfully. But those anxieties are ill-founded because, despite these concerns, Boothby and Bohns find that people feel good after having offered one.

Moreover, timing the delivery of the compliment can take those positive sentiments and up their impact. Psychology and Business School Professors Peggy Liu, SoYon Rim, Lauren Min, and Kate Min studied the psychological impact of surprise. When givers caught their recipients off guard, the recipients were even more appreciative of the unexpected boost of positivity in their day.

The surprise factor can come from social connections, reaching out to people who wouldn’t expect to hear from you. It can also come in social contexts, reaching out for no reason other than to spread some love.

Compliments make us feel good. To hear and give them, especially when we least expect it. In a world where it is hard to see the instant impact of our investment on tangible outcomes, here is one place where it is possible. The kindness the older man offered me resonated soundly that night and stayed with me for months afterward. I wish for him that he was able to bask in that glow too. Perhaps he did.

COGNITION:
The Secret to Better Judgment: Explore Doubt.
On autopilot, we judge first and look for reasons later.
Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

KEY POINTS:
We attribute our judgments of others' behavior to stable traits, qualities, and morality.
We tend to judge our behavior in terms of context-dependent responses and utility.
Resolve to see all behavior as context-dependent. Do not attribute it to personality, character, morality, psychopathology, class, or group ties.
The autopilot brain makes implicit judgments based on habits, past experiences, learned associations, and present comfort or discomfort. It does not consider alternative or contradictory evidence or the future effects of our behavior on ourselves and others. It sees the present through the lens of the past and the future, not at all.

The reflective brain, which can approach objectivity, looks for evidence to support implicit judgments only when challenged or when there's sufficient discomfort to require explicit explanation. (Yelling at the kids feels wrong.)

Even then, the evidence it chooses is subject to confirmation bias. The reflective brain tends to look for evidence to support implicit judgments and ignore or summarily dismiss contrary evidence. (Yelling is the only way to calm them down.) In short, we don’t have reasons to make autopilot judgments; we make judgments and then look for reasons.

We tend to judge other people’s behavior regarding stable traits, qualities, and morality. We tend to judge our behavior in context-dependent terms, considering its specific utility. Social psychologists call this difference in evaluative criteria the actor-observer bias.

“I yelled at the kids because I was stressed about getting them to school on time. They weren’t cooperating in the van, and the yelling got them to stop arguing with each other.”

“My partner yelled at the kids because he’s selfish, impatient, narcissistic, and has an anger problem.”

Both partners in this example believe they yelled at their kids because they felt stressed, the children were uncooperative, and the yelling worked. Both attribute the other’s behavior to character flaws, poor impulse control, or psychopathology.

The tendency to use different criteria for judging others is independent of frequency. One would expect trait-based behaviors to be the rule and context-dependent behaviors, the exceptions, occurring only in certain contexts. Yet the context-dependent attribution for yelling at the kids occurs every morning, while the personality-attributed behavior occurs less frequently. The explanation for the other parent not yelling at the kids becomes:

“He was too selfishly preoccupied to notice them.”

The relationship declension is another source of inherent bias. The same quality judged to be a personal virtue is judged to be a vice in others. Examples:

“You’re stubborn, I’m firm.”

“You’re wishy-washy, I’m flexible.”

“You’re insensitive, I tell it like it is.”

“You’re critical, I give feedback.”

“You’re controlling, I help you do things right.”

“You’re unreliable, I have a lot on my plate.”

“You're angry, I’m justifiably indignant.”

“You’re entitled and rude, I react to people in kind.”

Liking or disliking someone skews our judgments of their behavior and personal qualities. If you dislike someone, you might feel they’re grandiose. A friend who likes that same person might describe the same qualities as imaginative or inspiring. Charismatic politicians can get away with lying. Unattractive ones, not so much. Divorcing partners vilify the same qualities they loved when they first met; energetic becomes manic, mellow becomes lazy.

The work of Amy Cuddy, Susan Fiske, and Peter Glick suggested that people worldwide make judgments based on warmth and competence and that the two tend to be mutually exclusive. That is, people judged to be warm are also considered less competent, and those judged as competent tend to be seen as less warm.

Judgments are apt to become invidious as people live together and react to each other. The competent partner will seem cold and insensitive, if not narcissistic and manipulative, and the warm partner will seem overly sensitive and emotional, if not borderline personality.

How to Overcome Inadvertent Hypocrisy
We’re inclined to inadvertent hypocrisy for two hidden reasons. The autopilot brain does not consider the effects of our behavior on others and does not routinely encode them in memory. At the same time, we’re hypersensitive to the effects of other people’s behavior. In an argument, it seems that our partners are misbehaving while we’re trying to make them see the errors of their ways.

After an argument, you’ll likely recall the worst thing your partner said or did but not what you said or did immediately before it. In other words, we recall our partners’ reactions but not what they reacted to. Unusually, only one partner in an exchange is critical, defensive, or resentful. And it’s quite usual for both partners to perceive that only the other is critical, defensive, or resentful.

The other reason for inadvertent hypocrisy is due to our intolerance of other people displaying qualities and behaviors we don’t like about ourselves. The secret domestic violence perpetrator rails against “wife-beaters,” the critical partner can’t take criticism, the person who interrupts can’t tolerate being interrupted, and the braggart can’t stand boastful people. Politicians deride the “political expediency” of their opponents. The child who most reminds troubled parents of themselves gets the brunt of discipline, if not abuse.

We can avoid inadvertent hypocrisy with the knowledge that most of what we accuse partners and politicians of doing, we’re probably doing ourselves. The only reliable way to get your partner to change behavior is to change the behavior your partner reacts to. The only way to get politicians to change their behavior is to roundly reject pandering to any political base, even if you agree with any cited facts.

Resolve to see all behavior as context-dependent and never attribute it to personality, character, morality, psychopathology, and certainly not to class or group affiliation. If you do so, you'll be less judgmental, and your judgments will center on behavior rather than biased attributions about personality or class.

Doubt Is Our Friend
Doubt is insidious when we deny or cover it with a veneer of certainty. (A dead giveaway that certainty is a veneer is when it’s insulated by irritability or resentment.) For the intellectually honest, doubt is an invaluable asset that stimulates interest and motivates learning. For intellectually honest, reflective judgment comes at the end of thought processes, not at the beginning.

Now that all types of media foment high emotional reactivity, saying, "I don’t know," is the height of honesty. And the most lamentable of lost virtues is reserving judgment.

Online Hostility:
Are We All Becoming More Hostile Online?
Has internet communication changed the way we all communicate?
Reviewed by Tyler Woods

KEY POINTS:
It appears that we have become more hostile online over the years.
But the perception of hostility may not match the reality.
Research indicates that it is a subset of people who provide the aggressive talk, and the rest avoid engaging in hostile communication.
Online communication has changed who we are. Every day we see disparaging remarks, hostility toward political and ethnic groups, and the latest bad behavior from around the world online. Could it be that we are all becoming less restrained and showing the worst sides of ourselves?

Research
Two researchers have studied the changes that seem to be occurring. Jonathan Haidt recently wrote in The Atlantic:

“Research by the political scientists Alexander Bor and Michael Bang Petersen found that a small subset of people on social media platforms are highly concerned with gaining status and are willing to use aggression to do so... Across eight studies, Bor and Petersen found that being online did not make most people more aggressive or hostile; rather, it allowed a small number of aggressive people to attack a much larger set of victims. Even a small number of jerks were able to dominate discussion forums, Bor and Petersen found, because non-jerks are easily turned off from online discussions of politics.”1

Bor and Petersen themselves write in their research:

“Why are online discussions about politics more hostile than offline discussions? A popular answer argues that human psychology is tailored for face-to-face interaction and people’s behavior therefore changes for the worse in impersonal online discussions… Across eight studies, leveraging cross-national surveys and behavioral experiments (total N = 8,434), we test the mismatch hypothesis but only find evidence for limited selection effects. Instead, hostile political discussions are the result of status-driven individuals who are drawn to politics and are equally hostile both online and offline. Finally, we offer initial evidence that online discussions feel more hostile, in part, because the behavior of such individuals is more visible online than offline.”2

This fits with our understanding of personality disorders, which is that they are a small percentage of our society—around 10.5 percent, according to the recent DSM-5-TR.3

Conclusion
It appears that not all of us are becoming more hostile, but that the people who are get more exposure online, making the perception of hostility outsized. In a sense, it is reassuring that most people have not become more hostile. It also tells us that we need to learn how to put more restraints on this subset of difficult people so that our overall atmosphere isn’t poisoned further.